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Marriage and Goals 

Seems a bit ferocious but when you both have goals it’s like this sometimes . We work hard together and know what each wants. We are determined to walk in our destiny. We have been through too much not to get there. 

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A Hersheys Chocolate Almond bar

First let me just say I love my children and give my all to them. However, if you have children you know they always want what you have. It’s their nature.  BUT I am that mom that will stop to get her favorite candy bar and drive slow home. I swear it’s almost the most sweetest savory peaceful snack time. I enjoy every bite. I just had to share this because I know some Moms who would look at this odd. But as I was enjoying my snack I was thinking how  good it is to have something without -can I, what do you have, why didn’t you get me, and so on. Just a Mommy thought…..

I never thought about it…

My husband and I have been friends since high school. I guess this is what allowed us to work through so many problems. In a casual conversation today he said “if you think about it, you have been the constant in my life.” I never really thought about it until today.  Through all the problems we always came back together even when I was determined to move on. He can detach from people and jobs, but not me. 

Thinking now I just wish that would have been strong enough to prevent so many hurt feelings caused by so many actions. But in the end…it has made us love stronger and harder. It’s hard to understand why people do the things they do but we love them beyond faults. 

God has a purpose for us….

Oceanview

There is something about the ocean that makes you reflect on life. It makes you thankful and makes you meditate on what you have. 

My husband and I had a little time this weekend by the ocean without the kids. We just celebrated each other and had uninterrupted time. 

He said something that very relevant. The ocean is strong, aggressive,  peaceful, demands respect, and it’s filled with life. 

As soon as he said this I thought of marriage,love, and relationships. A marriage is strong, full of life, demands respect if the individuals do, you find peace in each other, and you are strong for each other. Love can flow and breathe life to you just as the ocean to its inhabitants. 

Just a thought….

New Year and New Goals 

So many people make these huge resolutions each year. Well, I don’t and that may be good or bad. I have things that are a work in progress. 

My goal is to always be a better wife and mother. One major thing I want to do better is stress less. I want to worry less about having a spotless house and just let things be sometimes. So what if clothes are on the sofa or if the table has a little dust. I’m beginning to realize some things can wait. The problem is I have to make myself sit down. I can’t stand disorder, dust,  and dirty dishes. So I’m a work in progress to relax more. You would think this would be easy,  right?

I want to visit a waterfall, go to the mountains, and plan a girl’s  weekend. Can you tell I want more relaxation this year? I think the whole family could do some different activities that are relaxing and more about nature. We are always so busy with sports and school.  

So hoping for a new year with new adventures. 

Insecurities or uncontrolled thoughts

Sometimes I have to control my thoughts and sometimes it can be pretty hard.  Even though I know things are good and we are where we are suppose to be past situations sometimes pop into my mind. It is a real struggle sometimes to shake off those thoughts and not be a bad mood. It will go into feeling insecure and doubting what you know is true.  It will be subtle reminders of something that happened. Usually it has nothing to do with my spouse currently but it can trigger from something on television or something someone says in my presence. Sometimes the least little thing will take me eight years back and then I have to calm myself because I feel angry or hurt. Oh and those “what if ” thoughts can really mess up things.

Well lets be honest, trust and marriage is work. It is work even in the best of times so  you know it is work in the midst of trouble.  Marriage is not for the weak. So rebuilding a marriage is definitely not for the weak. It takes perseverance, patience, trust, communication, love, and lots of listening. It takes getting to understand each other triggers. It takes patience on the one that has caused the rift in  the relationship.

When my mind starts to go way out in left field, I have to remind things are different. I have to remind myself he is here and has given me no reasons to second guess him. When I wake up every morning it is his arms around me and there is no place I rather be.

I believe it is spiritual as with many personal things each one of us deals with. We all have something that we are dealing with and knowing when it is an spiritual attack can really make a difference. Yes, it is my mind or your mind; however, it is an attack on our peace of mind that we have to  bring into submission.  Also, knowing and recognizing what is present in your life.

Date Nights

Date nights are refreshing and rejuvenating. Whether you spend it together or with other couples.  It is nice to just have grown up fun, laughs and to eat in peace.  I know at first it may seem selfish to leave the kids but couples need time without the children. If not you risk losing  what bought you together.  Keeping your marriage and relationship fun and finding common interest can save a marriage.

When we were going through a rough time eight years ago we started working out together. I will be honest and say that it save our marriage. We went to classes and worked out alone together. We encourage each other and soon we began getting over the issue that had almost tore us apart.  Now the children are old enough to stay at home a few hours while we go out.

If you have to try to find a sitter but at least once a month make it date night if only for a couple of hours.  If you can not get out put the kids to bed early. Light some candles and have a nice dinner without television. Go for a walk or meet for lunch. But whatever you do make it about you two. I had to realize its true what they say. The kids will move out and you two will be at home alone one day. You do not want the only interest to be your kids because when they are gone what will you have? Just a little food for thought from a mom of three children.

Be a woman about your business but don’t be cruel or insensitive…

I have noticed that many times women do not like to help other women. I think it is ridiculous to not want to help someone succeed especially if you have gotten to a successful point in your career.  It is a terrible thing to tear another woman down or speak down to them about their successes. You are displaying jealousy and it is very unappealing. It is great to be about your business but you should always want to build up someone else. Just because you may be scared to step out of your comfort zone never speak negative to someone who is trying to move out theirs. Remember you didn’t get to where you are alone. Someone gave you a chance at some point that was a stepping stone no matter how small that stone may have been. Be a mentor, be a leader, be an example of a woman that knows her worth and ability to help.  Don’t be afraid that someone may out do you because if you are good at what you do then you will be just fine.

Twenty-four years From high school to now…

My husband and I have been together since high school.  A few people we know have been with their high school sweetheart or college love since the beginning.  Now we had our arguments and blow ups especially early on. You know in high school those arguments that make you feel like your whole world is falling down because you don’t know any better. Honestly, do we really know love at that age.  We think we do but not really. But then that “puppy love” starts to develop into something else.  We find ourselves in new territory.

The older we get the more things get serious.  The reactions we have to situations become more serious and we start to evaluate each other. The older we get the more we evaluate our love and time. We begin to want more and begin to develop strengths. We begin to accept less excuses and see our worth.

Now twenty four years later, sixteen years of marriage, three children later we understand each other and love each other like we never knew could exist. Through all the lies, hurt, laughs, cries, prayers, and happy moments we are content. We know what we have in each other. We know what it feels like  to be on the verge of losing one another. We know what it means to fight for the one you love. We know what it means to sacrifice. We understand unconditional love, for better or worse, sickness, and health.

We have seen each other grow up basically. We are each others best friend. What a difference twenty four years can make.

Yikes, seven days of busy…

As a Mom we are always trying to take care of someone other than ourselves.

I have three very active children and this week is no different than any other week. Except we have an activity every evening all the way through Sunday. Yikes!  This was my thought as I realized that statement this morning. Seven days of busy evenings on top of working all day.

Thank goodness, my next class doesn’t start until next Monday. Yes, I said class. I am also taking online grad classes.  So how do I stay sane??? Organization is key.

For weeks like this. I currently have two crockpot meals going. This should last until Friday along with a baked chicken.  The best thing ever is crockpot cooking. You can make your family healthy large meals and not have to stay in the kitchen.  My favorite go to meals are soups and beans. Lets just say  Pinterest has saved me this year.  There are some fabulous recipes on pinterest.

I do laundry every night.  But that is usually sports stuff. On Thursday, I begin the weekly laundry. When the children get home on Friday’s they help fold.  I will finish up whatever is left. I have a personal rule of no housework on weekends. So Friday’s are also my get the house back in order night. While they are at practice I clean.

Okay, I have to be honest. I don’t do it alone. Although I know many that do. I applaud you because with two of us and my mother it gets crazy sometimes.  My husband will help with whatever he can depending on what time he gets home. My mom may pick someone up as well.

Want to know what I do when I have classes?

I try to  do those during lunch break or in the evening from 9 to 10.  At nine the children are in bed and by 10 I can snuggle up to my husband.  On the weekends I get up early, and get in about 3 to 4 hours.  It is all about balance and organization.

When do I get my me time?

I telework once week. I work but I also watch my favorite television shows.  By telecommuting I can run out after my 8 hours to the mall for and hour before the kids get home. I may buy myself a new outfit or get a manicure.

I do however realize I need to make more time for exercise. But it is all a work in process….

Some weeks are easier than others. In the long run,  I just want the kids to know we gave them every opportunity to try something. The one thing they are not lacking is social skills. They are outgoing, intelligent, and go getters.  Okay, I may be a little bias but its true.